Two-sided

I am jealous of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. I just cannot help it. Why does he has to behave so caring towards her? How I wish I can just ask him to stay away from her. Well, they do not see each other very often. It's just that sometimes we met her in the mall because she always working for some fairs. He knows that I do not feel comfortable seeing her or talking about her. He does being very understanding of my unpleasantness. Well, there is no reason for me to jealous of her. I'm not that kind of person who jealous of other people no matter what reason. But this time, I just cannot help it. This unpleasant feeling just comes out naturally whenever she appears. Hmm. How I wish I do not feel this way because it's really making me unhealthy. I do understand there is nothing for me to jealous about her. Of course she is slimmer than me which I really do admire this point, but I do think I have a more confident appearance than her. Oh my god, what am I doing here comparing myself with her? We are totally two different souls! I shouldn't have. I shall learn to overcome this jealousy everytime he shows his concern to her which are concerns for a friend, I supposed. This does not happens oftenly. It's just happens a few times whenever we met her somewhere which provokes the jealousy inside me. I just do not feel comfortable.

How weak a mortal can be? How much they willing to sacrifice and how far they can go to keep somebody away from the others? because of jealousy?

I do aware that this jealousy will broaden the gap between me and him if it gets worse. Is it because I do not feel secure enough about this relationship? Or is it because the trust of me on him does not appear to be strong enough as it was expected?

Why am I doubting here of the trust between us? I realized deep down inside me, there is a small, tiny unnoticed part which reflects that I do not really trust him. He never does anything bad to me or behind me. But why? Why I can't just trust him 100%? instead of less than that? Is it because I'm still suffering under the trauma of being cheated by my ex-boyfriend who had misused my trust and did not appreciates my love at all? I don't know. I can't trust him fully. The insecureness emerges whenever I feel confuse or I'm thinking that he is hiding something from me. All these might not be true because I might merely overreacting. I'm just too sensitive.
I need some fresh air. This is like another side of me. The negative side. It really shocks me sometimes about how I feel or what I think towards certain things which I usually I do not behave in this way.

This leads me to another question. How extreme a human being can behave? Does everyone has two-sided personalities? Is it because the other side of their personalities do not appeal clearly so they are not classified as having psychological problems? Just that some people with their other side of personalities are more appealing or these personalities are more active, so they are abnormal and suffering psychological problems? I do believe that everyone has two types of personalities. One which is indicated as normal and another one is hidden deep down inside one's soul which is hardly clarify and if it does, it will be more appealing and the others will see it as abnormal.

I'm a cheerful yet emotional person. I can joke around with my friends and I will cry for a sad story. There is this book named Chinese Cinderella and I was crying in the middle of the night while reading how this girl was totally abandoned by her father and family as they thought her arrival to this world resembled bad luck. My boyfriend did say I cry easily. Yes, I do. I get emotionally attached to someone or something easily. When I went for a trip and I saw how low income households work for a living in small village, I was really amazed and hope one day I can do something to improve their standard of living and reduce poverty. Some of my friends will think that I'm weird as I voiced my sympathy towards strangers because they do not think it is necessary. They laughed about it unintentionally. But I do meant what I felt about the less well-off ones. I know everyone does.

Ok this post is slowly get drifted away from the first topic. And now I'm talking about poverty. Well, everyone talks about poverty recently regarding to the Live 8. Well, it's really a good thing. It's like an alarm towards the world to make us see how terrible is poverty and debts problem in third world countries. I will not say more here as articles with facts can be get from more reliable sources comparing to my rumblings. Just want to say we all are blissful to have more than we needed and appreciate everyone and everything.