I felt important at that moment
My boyfriend and I went out for dinner just now. Before we leave the car, suddenly he hold my hand and he lied down. He asked why am I not holding his hand tight. Suddenly I felt important at that particular moment. I realized that he needed to feel belonged. He needed me to make him feel that he was not alone. Then he kissed my hand and said he loves me. We went through a bad day today. He was feeling depressed and I don't know what to do to make him feel better. I tried my best and accompanied him without making a noise. But I know somehow he wanted me to say something. I did try to talk to him. Things are better compare to last time. Last time he was really disappointed whenever he hoped that I would say something comforting which I didn't and I just kept quiet instead. Well, to be honest, I was lost. I didn't know what to do at all. He wanted me to say something, and what I can think of is to ask how was he feeling. I know it was not enough and I felt really helpless. Now, I have been trying to express my concern instead of keeping it inside my heart. How I wish I can do more just to make him feel better. I do feel disappoinment on myself. Things getting better now but I still can't really comfort him when he was depressed.
We used to quarrel a lot and ended up we don't talk to each other for one day. We didn't really solve the problems between us. Then conflicts accumulated day by day. There was this point where I almost wanted to end this relationship as I can't take the pressure anymore. He is a bad tempered person and he always angry on me which I really don't see the reason why. I realized his anger on me was his way to push away the responsibilities and blame me instead of himself. He just merely wanted to make himself feel better. I was tolerating until I hardly stay in silence on how he mistreated me. So there was this day we were quarrel about something, and I requested that we should talk. As usual, we had a big fight which I predicted. Then I went home because I hardly see he was putting effort on solving our problems. He called me later and we were talking in a more calm and rational positions. We decided to be more understanding to each other. I will be more tolerating with his temper. Things went well since then.
Yesterday we were arguing again. One significant improvement was we settled the argument right on that day. Before this, we used to quarrel then refused to talk to each other for one day. But this time, he willing to talk and sort things out calmly right on spot. So you can say that I am happy.
The point here is I am always the one who can tolerate with him and behave in a more patience way. He is the opposite way where he gets frustrated easily and unable to tolerate me. Then, I am not being very helpful in reducing his stress or cheering him up. But he always been able to put a smile on my face whenever I needed him. So from these, I realized both of us with different abilities and personalities are compromising and fulfilling each other needs in our own different ways. That explained why we still love each other until now. I always think that we have to work together to make this relationship works. I can't do it on my own. Instead of emphasizing on his disadvantages, I always remind myself on how nice he is and why I like him at the first place. Couples tend to forget why they fall for each other at the first place after they have been together for a period of time. The reasons they hate each other now are always the reasons they love each other from the first sight. For example, a wife is complaining about her husband of spending most of his time in the office instead of with her. She thinks that he is working maniac and does not care about her but his work only. However, if she goes back to the past, she will realize she was attracted to her husband because he is a responsible man who take his work seriously and always wanted to provide a better and secure life for his family. People tend to change the way they see things without realizing it. How sad if the couple ended up divorce as the wife thought that the husband does not love her anymore.
You might think the example I gave is not a strong argument. But I did give a good one. That's why I named this my hidden spot where I reveal my hidden rants without hesitation and not necessary for you to read if you feel unpleasant. However, I do accept second party opinions. I like to open myself to opinions. But that does not mean I will take one blindly. A good one can help me improve, right? I always do try to be a better person. Not the best but only a better one. So I always have rooms to improve. If I'm become the best, I can improve no more. Then my life will be meaningless because I cannot pursue any valuable knowledge anymore. So, I do talk a lot to myself. There are always debates and conversations within me. I talk to myself while I do my thinking. I am trying to see matters in every possibilities and evaluate issues in different perspectives.
One thing for sure, I'm not insane. But if you do think I'm weird, I might agree with you. *smile*
p/s: thanks for the compliment by prophecywatch. I take it that you were talking about my writing skill. Correct me if I'm wrong.